I am dying. I won’t survive this one. Or well, 1% chance I will.  But hey, my whole life’s been beating the odds. I’m pretty damn lucky to be here. Besides, there’s no place I’d rather die. It’s the perfect place to slip into the void. And f*ckdamnf*ck, I know it’s my time but god, I wish it wasn’t. They say your life flashes before your eyes as you die. And I guess that’s true, my life is hockey and here I am, lying on the ice, dying. I can’t tell you how glad I am to be here, a Stanley Cup game, playing left wing for the Bruins, a dream of many. Its f*cking heaven, man. The place I’ll be soon can’t be as good as this. But anyway, after my 4th concussion, doctors said that one more would kill me. I was actually glad to hear that. Dying on the ice and not in a hospital from cancer or some sh*t. I used to be a drug addict, I still smoke and drink like there’s no tomorrow (and hey, today there isn’t a tomorrow). I had to die young; I knew it from the start. Maybe such a risk of death should have made me quit hockey, right? I mean, I wouldn’t be dying right now if I quit. But man, hockey is my life, I gave up school, the girl I was gonna marry, and my home just to play. And god, look at me, I got here to the NHL; I’m not just another druggie that drops out of life. I wouldn’t have gotten here without my first fandom, just 3 girls in a skype chat I love. Of course, others in the chat joined the fandom later. But Cary, Nicki and Hannah were the first. I owe them and the chat a lot. They’re here, those 3, to watch me play just as I promised them years ago. But f*cking hell, they are watching me die. In this weird, half dead state, I know Cary is already writing a poem about me. Hannah is crying, and Nicki. Nicki is yelling at me. I was supposed to outlive her and her terminal illness. But I can’t really hear or see, my brain is freaking dead or close to it. But I’m happy. Everyone I care about is here. My wife, our kid, my team, the 3 girls, and a few others from the chat I joined oh so long ago. I love them all, I wish I could tell them. I wanna live. I really do. I have so much to live for, more than ever in my life. People I love that love me back, a future, living my dream. But damn, this is the perfect way to go, I am so happy right now. Nothing is bad, besides the little wish to keep living. And not knowing if we won the game. I won’t soon be forgotten though. Damn, my head, my soul, I can feel it, I’m

Lyn, I’m very sorry for your loss. That was one adorable pup. It was too young to go. Then again…who defines what is and is not too young to die? I feel very uncomfortable posting about a topic which involves my personal experiences with death and dying. Unfortunately, I’ve had to go through more than preferred. But no matter how old the person (or pet) is, I feel like there is no “ready age”. Death is an end of relationship with someone (or at least for the moment, based on your beliefs) but unlike other ends, closer is hard to get from this one. In a relationship you can have that one final talk after it’s over. You can put all your honest to God feelings on the table. You can finally call that douche out for never putting the damn cap on the toothpaste! But when someone dies, it’s almost always unexpected. So most of the time you probably didn’t get that final talk.

But maybe it’s for the better sometimes. If you DID say goodbye you would always be thinking on how you could’ve/would’ve/should’ve made it better. Like John Green one said, you just gotta rip the band-aid off.

These are my words,

Clare.

I really need to just write this all out so I feel better about it. Chloe is a foster puppy we have/had. She died Sunday. This is the story. I’m sitting here, with a green blanket on my lap. A very important blanket. But to the story. We got the 3 puppies 2 weeks ago. My cousins were going to foster them but they couldn’t and gave them to us. There were 2 girls and a boy. One girl was mostly black, the other 2 look more like German Shepherds. The black girl we named Chloe, the other 2 are Zoe and Joey. Chloe was my favorite from the start, she was different. And she took risks, when she wanted on the couch, she jumped and missed. I always had her sleep on my lap or near me if I could. She got sick once, I was worried about her, almost took her to my room. I ended up calling her my problematic puppy. On Thursday night I think, she was shaking a lot, we didn’t know why. She never ate a ton. I spent a lot of time with the puppies these past 2 weeks, hours and hours.  But Saturday I spent the day with the puppies. A few hours. I didn’t really notice it, but Chloe wasn’t as high energy. And her breathing wasn’t normal. She spent a lot of time in my lap, and on me, and just around me, biting, licking. She fought some with her siblings, and the normal stuff. Sunday morning I woke up, Chloe’s breathing was worse but she’s Chloe. I was kinda worried, not that much though. She was tired though, a lot of time was spent laying with me. But I went inside after a while. My parents and one sister went to a soccer game. I decided to take the pups out to play. My other sister came with me. Chloe wasn’t breathing well. She didn’t look okay. She was sick. We sent a text to my mom. She didn’t respond. Meanwhile Chloe was getting worse. Way worse. Choking, and walking around a little, not playing, not drinking, not biting. She would lay down, and get up, walk a little, walk back to my lap. She lost her happy look. (She was so cute in the morning, I wish I had a picture). My sister(who is 12) started crying and begged me to call my mom. My mom didn’t pick up, I called my dad, he didn’t, called them both many times. Meanwhile Chloe went down. Her back legs stopped working. I ran. I ran inside crying. Trying to escape. I love Chloe, she can’t die. Is she dying? So I went to tumblr, asked for help, what do I do? What can I do? Anything? Chloe is dying. Got called outside, called my cousin, asked her to help me. Went back inside. Then I went back outside to see what Chloe was doing. My sister got hold of my mom, who sent a family friend to come pick up Chloe and take her to my mom. At that point, Chloe’s tongue was white, she was wrapped in the green blanket. She pooped. Which later, my mom told me, is how she knew Chloe was a goner. The body just shut down. So once the family friend picked up Chloe and left, without us, I didn’t want to go, Chloe was dying, I didn’t want to be there to see the light go out. I regret that now. I regret running and not going with her. But at that point, we didn’t know Chloe was going to die. We just thought extreme. But I was crying. And part of me knew, just knew, that my baby wasn’t coming home. Later I sent a text to my mom, asking her about Chloe. But I didn’t get a text back. Which is how I knew. My mom saves death for when we’re all together. She walked in the door, and I heard her, came down and knew. My mom told us the news. I tried not to cry, believe me, I did try. But my sisters were hugging my mom sobbing, so on the stairs, I cried. My mom explained that Chloe was born with a birth defect. Her heart wasn’t right. She died of a heart attack. And that we should know that we gave her the best 2 weeks of puppyhood she could possibly have. Running, playing, cuddling, being outside and with her siblings. It was a great 2 weeks. A third of her life. My mom believes that we were meant to get her, she was meant to be with us. It’s why my cousins gave the puppies to us. And I guess I believe that too. Chloe is my little baby, and she really is mine. She never knew another home. I miss her. The other 2 puppies are perfect and I love them and I played with them for hours today. Held them just a bit closer, tighter, longer. I adore them and when they go back in 2 weeks, I will be heart broken. So the blanket, on my lap, is my last reminder of her. And I’m glad I have it. Chloe baby, I’m sorry I ran. I love you.

~Lyn(sorry for the long post)

Not just tired because of lack on energy. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of worrying about how other’s see me. I’m tired of going to school and repeating the same process. I’m tired of going in circles. I’m tired of promising myself that I’ll practice piano but I never do. I’m tired of putting off my projects for school. I’m also tired of being assigned project for school. I’m tired of being put down by teachers. I’m tired of seeing the same faces every day (even though I love those faces). I’m tired of not having any dreams. I’m tired of not knowing what I wanna be when I grow up. I’m tired of not knowing where I wanna live. I’m tired of awkward silences between people that you talk to every day because you know everything about them. I’m tired of having a cluttered room. I’m tired of having a cluttered mind. I’m tired of people not thinking about what they’re saying. And most of all, I’m tired of these little pictures that I, like Lyn, have been drawing non-stop for the past 3 weeks because of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK5Z709J2eo video.

I draw them a lot. The repetitive motion of drawing circles is really calming and easy to think with. It just helps me. Not like an escape, but a chance to think about stuff while keeping my body busy. I started drawing them in my notebook, I have like 14 drawn I think.  So yeah. 

~Lyn

So yesterday my dad recommended I download a game onto my phone called “Triple Town”. I played it. Now between the app and the free version on Facebook, I’m going to have to be really careful in order to preserve the fact that I “have a life”.

It’s a game where you build this town and you put grass around and three grasses together equal a bush and three bushes together equal a tree and three trees together equals a hut… and it goes on until who know when and there’s bears and crystals and it’s like AHGGHAGIYABOEIFBEAF.

I highly recommend playing it on either a phone or Facebook, unless you don’t have willpower or want to continue being socially active.

~Jonathan.(Mondays)

Even the genius ask questions. All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars. But I will find my way, I will go the distance. Cause the day I thought I’d never get through, I got over you. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life.

Don’t ask me what I think of you, I might not give you the answer that you want me to. Honesty is never heard, and mostly what I need from you. But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough. So now you see the light, eh? Well it’s too late to apologize. And I know that those little things them make the biggest part of me. But still, I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the [wo]man to walk 1,000 miles to fall down at your down. But in the end it doesn’t even matter, because I get knocked down but I get up again, you’re never gonna bring me down. I’m trying hard not to resist the joy, but when I see that look upon your face I know it isn’t too late. It seems like goodbye’s such a hard thing to say, cause I’m going down in a blaze of glory.

~Clare

In case you’ve never been around the Internet, or you’ve just been rescued from a year of being abandoned out at sea (if that’s the case congratulations, and welcome back to the mainland) there’s this game that is called Minecraft that has been quite the rage these days.

In it, you get thrust into an infinite, randomly generated world of square blocks (that look pixel-y!). You can destroy the blocks and rebuild them into certain shapes; different blocks and certain properties, etc. Also, you can mine and craft. In addition, there’s a survival element to the game. Think of Minecraft like Legos meets Bear Grylls meets Roller Coaster Tycoon (because, you know, Minecraft is so cool you can build roller coasters if you have the right supplies).

I’ve previously played Minecraft, but not for about a year. Last time I played was when the game was in Beta version 1.8 and now its a full game and all that jazz. What I mean, is there have been numerous additions and alterations to the game since I started playing.

ANYWAY, enough with this boring technical stuff. I’m falling asleep just typing this! Let’s get into this game! First thing is to create a new world. And what else to name it but:

The First Day

And so it begins that I wake up…. in the WORLD OF THE ABSURD. It front of a giant tree. That’s okay I guess…. Then I turn around.

It’s. So. Beautiful

:’D

They’ve really pimped this game out since a year ago haven’t they? Man, they’ve added cool jungles and everything. All right, now that we’ve identified the jungle and this amazing looking spawn point, it’s time to get the basics hooked up.

In Minecraft, you’ve got to find someplace to go inside because monsters (like undead skeletons WITH ARROWS)that want to tear you apart come out at night (sort of like real life). First however, you want to chop down some trees for wood to make some basic tools, and find some coal to make torches for a light source (monsters won’t spawn where there’s light). Also, on a completely unrelated note, light is also sometimes symbolic of wisdom and knowledge. Just thought you’d like to know.

Now off to explore and discover…

After walking for 5 seconds:

…Screw that coal and symbols and knowledge and stuff. This little oasis is gorgeous and I’m making a little house here NOW.

So I go and find some not-so-beautiful looking trees to chop down with my BARE HANDS like Bear Grylls to collect wood.

Now that I’ve destroyed a living thing for my own selfish gain, I can CRAFT AND BUILD SOME THINGS:D (sort of like real life). By the way, that brown thing hitting the tree IS my hand. Everything’s sort of rectangular here…

The first thing is to fancy this wood up a little bit. When I open my inventory there are 4 squares at the top where I can put resources in to craft stuff.

If I put some wood into the crafting boxes, I can make some shiny wooden planks!

These wooden planks are refined wood that I can use to make…

What can a strange-sounding thing like a crafting table do, you might ask. Well, when I right click on a crafting table to craft, I have a crafting grid of 3x3 squares rather than a crafting grid of 2x2, like in my inventory. I set the table down and get to some serious work now. (And yes, my character is Rorschach from Watchmen).

First, using wooden planks I make some sticks (which are an important material for crafting other things).

(It may be useful to point out that in the picture I use 6 wood planks. Actually each 2 planks makes 4 sticks, but I just made 12 sticks because what the hay).

Then I pick up the crafting table and head back to the Oasis and put my crafting table back down. There’s construction work do be done. First on the agenda I need to make a wooden pickaxe. A wooden pickaxe can cut through stone faster than bare fist (which takes forever, because, you know, it’s stone), AND it lets me collect the stone I cut down so that I can use it later (if I destroy stone with my hands it just disappears.).

Making some doors with the wooden planks is also in order, because really, we need to make a proper lair here.

I make perfect timing, because its starting to get dark, and I don’t feel like being skeleton or zombie food. I quickly cut out a little hole in the edge of the mountain with my pickaxe, pick up my crafting table, set up my doors, and run inside, where I put my crafting table back down. Now it’s time to nestle in and get ready for the night.

That’s when I realize: I forgot to go look for coal. Dang it. Well, because you need coal to make torches, it looks like I’m going to be waiting this night out in my little abode in the dark.

The night in Minecraft is pretty scary, but eventually, after waiting ten minutes and almost dying of loneliness and cold, the sun comes up and the world starts to brighten with the prospect of a new day.

The Second Day

That’s when I discover that I’m hungry.

No, not in real-life, I just ate some Ramen. I mean in the game. I guess the scariness of the dark overrided my sense of hunger at night.

I’m not necessarily sure how hunger works in this game. Hunger is a feature that was added after I stopped playing. You might be able to see the hunger bar in some of the screenshots. It’s at the bottom-right and is the shape of chicken legs.

I walk outside. Check out the awesome view right outside my house.

Yep, this oasis is pretty nice.

I decide to start the morning exploring in the opposite direction I explored in yesterday to find food and cool things (nothing notable was in the direction I explored yesterday, just some more attractive jungle).

I come to a nice little river on the edge of the jungle, very close to my spawn point actually. I look at it and contemplate nature. I think about the universe, and the human condition and how we’re all sort of like the river in a metaphorica- I SEE FOOD.

I kill the chicken by using my BARE FISTS again (sorry, vegetarians). I quickly make my way back to my abode and put it in the furnace to cook. I light a fire in the furnace using some extra wood sticks I had fashion from wood and proceed to fail at eating my chicken breakfast.

I CAN’T EAT IT. I’m selecting the chicken on my inventory and right clicking, but I’m not EATING IT. Oh well, I’ll figure this problem of not knowing how to eat later (sort of like real life).

It’s time to explore some more.

I cross the river and walk onto the other side. There’s a slight incline and what seems to be a forest. That’s cool, maybe I’ll find some coal.

I walk through the forest, praying I don’t forget my way back to the oasis when I stumble upon and interesting rock formation-ish cave thing.

Hey look! Coal!:) It’s that stone with those black spots.

I drop down and start harvesting some coal with the pickaxe, but I start to get really creeped out. I’m hearing zombies moaning and I’m in the dark in the bottom of a hole in the ground. I get a couple more lumps of coal before my heebie-jeebies make me GET THE HECK OUT OF THAT HOLE.

It’s starting to get dark now, so I quickly run through the forest, over the river, and through a tiny bit of the jungle before getting to the oasis and inside my “safety zone” indoors.

Then, using the coal I found in the evening and a wooden stick, I craft…

Let there be light! This place is looking homelier already. Now instead of being dark, cold and lonely, its only lonely and slightly cold.

Isn’t it magnificent?:)

By the way, I drew a little, probably inaccurate map of what I have currently explored of The World of the Absurd:

And there is so much more to discover…

Well, that’s it for now. Make sure to tune it later this week (probably on Saturday) to see what new adventures we’ll discover in the World of the Absurd.

And yes, I’ll get to doing some more interesting things. Today was mostly setting up shop.

Who knows? I might just build a giant model of the Earth like that guy on YouTube.

No, no I probably won’t. I don’t have that much free time on my hands:) I’ll at least figure out how to eat my chicken though. Hopefully.

Have a great week everyone,

~Jonathan.(Monday)

What have I to say of Lyn
as my muse’s patience grows thin
and my mind races with hers
as if she is boredom’s cure?

She is kind but logical,
pessimistic yet hopeful,
I dream of her face
trapped in that loathsome place.

I’d take the stage to sing,
for cupid’s arrow still stings.
I doubt this, but hopefully
he shot her along with me.

THERE’S YOUR FUCKING POEM

Happy birthday, Lyn~<3

-Jason
 

HEY! It’s your birthday!!! In case you forgot that you turn 15 today, here is a bunch of videos to remind you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcbvKe34Zjw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztoSUhbNntQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffct3Rlu14w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0twNAXaCAA&feature=plcp&context=C4191a55VDvjVQa1PpcFMRPpFQeP3DqeSSEjkMcWsag2KW4YXtOz0%3D

I was gonna make a REAL post but decided not to so I wouldn’t take your attention away. I’ll post another day! 

~Clare